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History Class Taken to a New Level
This is the second episode of the third season, and one of my favorites ever! Enjoy! :D Script *(Rack, NH, US, Rig and Dep. Mayor are enjoying themselves at the state fair.) *'US': Man, this state fair's itter. Dep, we should do this every day. *'Dep. Mayor': But Miss US, that would be ex- *'US': Bad boy! Go to the kiddie rides! *'Dep. Mayor': Fine! *(Dep. Mayor goes over to the "Kiddie Rides" section and puts in a dollar; the machine eats it up but doesn't work; Dep. Mayor then cries, running away.) *'Kid': What's with that guy? *'Kid 2': Looks like he has to go really bad. *(The kids shrug and go on their rides.) *'US': Guys, look, butter sculptures! *'Rack': Isn't that fattening? And won't they melt? *'NH': What? "Round stone carvings that aliens touched". Newsflash, it's a rock. *'Rack': I'm not sure about this state fair, guys. It might not be healthy for us. *'US': (with sprinkled hotdog in her mouth): Is that bad? *'Rack': Never mind. *'US': Guys, look! It's a pig sign! Made from pork! I must have that! *'Rack': Well, according to what it says, you need to get a lottery ticket to sign for the raffle. *'US': Nah, I'm sure I'll win it. *(Someone moaning is heard.) *'Rack': What's that? *'US': I dunno. Probably someone dying. Oh well. *(The moaning is heard again.) *'Rack': Guys, I think that's Old Man! Let's hurry! *'US': Ew, that old fart? No way! Let him rot and die! He's lived like a billion years anyway! *(Rack yanks everyone to Old Man; Old Man is near the trash, unhappy.) *'Rack': Old Man, what's wrong? *'Old Man': Oh, leave me alone! It ain't any of you whippersnappers' business! *(Old Man sheds a tear, facing away from the foursome.) *'Rack': You shouldn't bottle up your feelings. Please, tell us your thoughts. *'US': Raclk, no! You're gonna screw ours- *'Old Man': Do you really want to know? All you people care about these days are either those fancy "iPoops" or "Twit" to each other. *'Rack': Yes! *'NH, US & Rig': No! *'US': I already know how to poop. *'Old Man': Alright, you made your own funerals..... today is the day my late wife, bless her heart...... went away. *'Rack': What happened to her? *'Old Man': Well, it started whe- You know what? It makes more sense to start from the very beginning! *'NH, US & Rig': No! *'Old Man': It all started when I was born, in 190- wait, maybe 191- feh, who needs to know my age? Anyway, I was born on a farm. *(Flashbacks to Old Man's birth; his parents gave birth to him in a carriage, trying to get home to call a doctor to come and help.) *'NH': Nooooo, flashbacks! *'Old Man': See, back in my day, we didn't have any of these fancy hospitals you spoiled kids have. Not at all. Back then, all we could do was call a doctor to help out the birthday suited young'un! In this case, that was..... me. *'Old Man's Father': Ugh, those doctors! They said you'd give birth in four weeks! Those bloodsucking leeches! *'Old Man's Mother': It's not the doctor's fault for makin' an error, dear. Let's just be glad we have a healthy baby... boy? *'Old Man's Father': What?! They said it was a girl! Let me get the kni- *'Old Man's Mother': No, it's fine, I've always wanted a son more. But what to name him? *'US': Yeah, what is your name, anyway? *'Old Man': Uh...... um....... hm..... I can't remember, my mother didn't have the best hand writing and her cursive looked like a mess! But that's beside the point. Believe it or not when I was your kids' age.... *'US': We're not kids. Well, except Riiiiig. *'Rig': Nopesies! I'm immortal! I think.... *'Old Man': As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted.... when I was a young'un, I was as spoiled and rotten as you kids, but thankfully my strong father taught me to stop being a smartbutt. *(Flashes back to when Old Man is 2; he is writing on the walls, eating messily, and disobeying his parents by passing on certain foods.) *'Old Man (age 2)': I hate oatmeal! I want tomatoes, so I can make a mess around the house! *'Old Man's Father': Oh, you think you're too good for oatmeal, eh? Get over here. *'Old Man's Mother': Don't hurt him! He's just too young to know what is right and what is wrong. *'Old Man's Father': Honey, I love you, but it's not time for you women to vent. You don't even have the ability to vote! Now, son, come over here, I must tell you something important. *(Old Man comes to his father.) *'Old Man's Father': Now, son, you may not realize it, but what you're doing is wrong! Do you know how hard I work to get us our food?! 99 cents ain't something that comes everyday! *'US': (laughing): 99 cents. *'Old Man': Interrupt one more time, I'm gonna replace me with you. Now, back to the story.... *'Old Man's Father': I will not have a picky eater in this house! You are going to eat your whole plate like a gentleman whether you like it or not! Show some respect to me for buying the food and your mother for cooking it by eating it! And stop making a mess of this house! Your poor mother is already exhausted enough as she can't say what's on her mind, and you're making it worse! If you continue doing this unacceptable behavior, I will use (takes belt off) this! Understood? *'Old Man': (pulls his father's pants down): Now you "nakee!" *'Old Man's Father': (angrily): You! Well, since you can pull down mine, pull down yours. *'Old Man': Okay daddy! *(Old Man puts down his pants offscreen.) *'Old Man's Father': Good boy. *(Shadows appear of Old Man being spanked by his father, using his belt, with Old Man crying in pain and the father crying as well.) *'Old Man's Father': (crying): I'm only punishing you! I love you still! I always will! I love you son! *'Old Man': (crying as well): I love you too, daddy! *(Old Man's Mother covers her eyes, not wanting to see her son get hurt.) *'Old Man now': Ah, my maximus is still red down there from all them beatings. Heh. Oh well, now I never went to that fancy shmancy school stuff until I was 15; see, I was busy working on the farm, doing farm activities and smelling like manure! *'Rig': Mm! *(Flashes back to the farm.) *'Old Man now': But I was tired one day and said "I need a break" but my father gave me the biggest smack to my tuckus I ever got from him, and that kept me up until I was done! Ah, that belt felt good..... *'US': Dude, could you just fast forward to adulthood? Childhood is boring. *'Old Man': Hm. Besides my missing teeth and more beatings, there ain't anything else I remember from my childhood, so you're right! Now, back in my day, once you were 18, you went straight outta the door, no matter what! Not these cushiony things like "loans" or "college". Back then, you were asked what you were gonna do for a living and go do it! However, I had a very unique job idea for the time.... *(Flashbacks to a now legally adult Old Man bidding farewell to his parents.) *'Old Man's Father': I'm so proud of ya, son! You've finally grown up and graduated from high school! What will ya do? Be a lawyer? Be a construction worker like your old man? Be a teacher and carry the preserved paddle? *'Old Man age 18': Well, actually, I've been interested in being an animator after reading all these comics and.... *'Old Man's Father': What?! That baby job?! You are not having that job! I'd rather you actually work hard instead of having your butt wiped! I'm very disappointed in you, son! Those newfangled shorts in theaters called "cartoons" will never catch on! You'll never find a woman or have any kids! You have disgraced this family! I never want to see you again! Get out of my face, you disgrace of a son. *'Old Man': You know, back right at ya! I'd rather have a father that's dead than have one that hates me! You disgrace of a father! *'Old Man's Mother': Boys, boys, please! *'Old Man's Father': You make me so mad I could...... I could..... ooh! My heart! It's like it's breaking into pieces! Ugh...... *(Old Man's father falls down, unconscious.) *'Old Man's Mother': Honey! *(Old Man's Mother feels her husband's pulse, and is implied he is dead; Old Man looks guilty.) *'Old Man's Mother': You know, he's right. Please reconsider getting a new job. *'Old Man': I... I don't need you! I can make my own decisions! *(Old Man runs away, scared.) *'Old Man': And I never saw them again. Not even at his funeral. *'US': You killed your own dad by giving him a heart attack?! Cool! *'NH': Now to find out a way to do that with Rack. *'Rack': But I do already! My heart attacks you with love! *'NH': Blegh. *'Old Man': (shedding a tear): Yes, I brought down my own old man. *'Rig': Ha! Get it? Old Man's name is Old Man! And he's calling his dad old man? Fine, forget it. *'Old Man': But let's move on to how I started my life's work: animating! *'US': I bet your animation stinks. *'Old Man': It ain't over 'till the fat lady sings. Now, let's start at the interview..... *(Flashes to Old Man drawing something on rice paper, with the boss looking at it, making him nervous.) *'Old Man now': See, back in the 20's, we had to use rice paper if we wanted to make purdy cartoons. *'Boss': I ain't got all day! Draw me something! *'Old Man as a young adult': Well, uh, I've had this idea of Danny the Dog.... *'Rack': You created Danny the Dog? That's my favorite cartoon character! *'US': Ew, he's so bland. *'Old Man now': Hush! Let me continue! *'Boss': An idea you say? Tell me! *'Old Man as a young adult': Well, what if, he was late for a date and was trying to cross a bridge but it broke and is now stuck on a cliff? *'Boss': That's perfect! You're hired! Do that! Do that exactly! I'll leave ya be to work on your cartoon. See ya later, new employee! *'Old Man as a young adult': I did it! You were wrong, father! You. Were. Wrong! *'US': Blegh, that cartoon. That was the bad kind of itter. *'NH': That was dreadful. I hate being related to that dog. *'Rack': I will admit, that was an eerie one. *'Rig': That one made me wanna pootie! *'Old Man': Oh, yeah? Let's see what you know in his world! *(Old Man, somehow, puts the foursome in Danny's world, being animated just like him in rice paper and not having the ability to speak immediately.) *'US': (talks) *(A screen appears saying "What the?! How come I'm black and white? And where's my itter voice?!".) *'Old Man': You see, these were the oldest toons; we didn't have the technology yet for pretty colors or those hack voice actors. So, enjoy it, whippersnappers! *'Rig': (talks) *(A screen appears saying "Ha! NH was wrong, the world was black and white a long time ago".) *(NH looks, nervous.) *'Rack': (talks) *(A screen appears saying "How do we get out of here?".) *'Old Man': You ain't gettin' out until you learn a lesson! Darn kids. *(Danny the Dog appears.) *'Danny': (talks) *(A screen appears saying "Why hello there, strangers! Sorry if I seem impatient, I must hurry as I'm late for my date!".) *'Rack': (talks) *(A screen appears saying "Hi Danny! I'm a big fan and I love you and I have all your merchandise and episodes and everything! I'm so glad to meet ya!".) *(While Rack is "fanboying", Danny, freaked out by him, is walking backwards not realizing where he's going, and falls off the cliff.) *(A screen appears saying "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!".) *'Rack': (talks) *(A screen appears saying "Awwwwwwwwww....".) *'US': (talks) *(A screen appears saying ".....That's it?".) *'Old Man': I admit it wasn't my best work, but hey, it was good enough that my boss accepted it and put bread on the table! Hold on, there's more. *(Old Man takes the four out of Danny's world and back to their own.) *'Rack': Hey, did you ever work on Ricky Rat? *'Old Man': Ew, that thing? I hated that thing and it ruined my show's popularity! *'US': So when's it getting exciting? *'Old Man': Oh, trust me, it's getting better. You see, once they found out a way to use color film, my boss wanted to update to that immediately, and I liked the idea! But there was one problem: I'm colorblind! All I can see is black and white! So, with the introduction of fancy shmancy colors, I needed someone to paint my cels, and since my boss thought women were better cel painters, I got a girl partner. And then... *'Rig': Wait, cels? I don't want something from my body taken out! *'Old Man': (laughing): No, not that kind. I'll tell ya in a minute. Now, what was I saying? Oh..... yes..... her....... *(Flashes to Old Man waiting in the malt shop for her to come.) *'Old Man as an adult': Ugh, where is she?! Darned women take forever! *'???': Oh, yeah? Well, you boys keep leaving your hair in the drain, so. *(Old Man looks at this woman, and is in awe of her looks.) *'Old Man as an adult': Y....you're sweet! Are you my partner? *'???': Yep. I like your humor. *'Old Man as an adult': Yeah, all the whippings made me turn to that! *(The duo laugh.) *'???': What's your name? Mine's Sue. *'Old Man as an adult': Well, since my mother's not the best at writing, I have no idea! *'Sue': (laughing): You're not alone. I just found out what my name was when I asked! *(The duo laugh once more.) *'Old Man as an adult': This may come off as rash, but..... I think I love you! Your blue eyes are a pool of berries! *'Sue': You know? You're cute yourself! I love your brown eyes! *'Old Man as an adult': Well, black, but close enough! *(The duo laugh and start working on the cartoon, being right next to each other, smiling.) *'Old Man now': And then the things we did just making that cartoon...... *(Montage plays of the duo working hard on the cartoon, sharing a milkshake, eating ice cream together and spending time outside together.) *'US': Yawn, boring. Where's the cartoon? *'Old Man': (hits her with cane): In a second. Learn some respect. *'US': Ow...... *'Rack': Yeah, I wanna see it! *'NH': I... *'Old Man': I get it. I'll put you all in there. *'NH': ......don't want to be in there. *'Old Man': Three against one! Ha-ha! *(Old Man transports them into the cartoon; here, the gang are animated in cels, are in color and can finally speak.) *'Rack': Wow.... why do I look so.... natural? *'Old Man': That's 'cause you're animated in cels, the best kind of animation. *'Rig': What's that? *'Old Man': Shame on you for not knowing! Cels are transparent sheets that made the best animation. *'NH': Well, at least we're in color. *'Rig': AND I CAN YELL!!!!! *'US': How come shows aren't made like this today? *'Old Man': 'Cause it's faster and easier, blegh. Kids today with their fancy computers. They don't do a darn thing on their own anymore. That's another thing that gets on my nerves: They're all lazy today. Back in my day, we had to work our butts off and have people like Jones and Freleng, the latter very harsh, look after your cartoons, so we have things, now it's all "Oh, let's use Flash or CGI, 'cause it's easier."; and those cartoons look like garbage I bet. I bet they have bad scripts, too! And, that's another thing I hate about today: the scripts, from what I've heard, are just horrible. Every cartoon's the same today. There's a problem and they try to fix it. Just sorry plots if you ask me. Kids today.......... *(A pug suddenly appears.) *'???': (chews on doggie treat): Eh, what's up, gaulks? That keep gaulking at me.... *'Rack': You made Pugs Punny?! *'Old Man': Yep, with my wife. I always loved that pug. (laughs) *'Pugs Punny': (in drag, singing): Oh gaaaaaaaaulks, you look like jocks.... to me! *'Rack': ....What's happening? *'Pugs Punny': (runs up to a tower): Come over heeeeeere, this is where King Lear... dumped me. *'NH': I'm out. *'US': Blegh, I've always hated this cartoon. *'Rig': I'm scared-sies! *'Old Man': This ain't funny? You kids don't know what funny is! Did you know this was voted the best cartoon in history and is preserved forever?! You kids have no taste! *'Rack': Well, actually, half your taste buds fade away after 60- *'Old Man': Spare me your technological mumbo-jumbo! I worked on this with just my wife! Darned kids! *'Rack': What happened to her? *'Old Man': Oh, something beautiful... *(Flashes to Old Man and Sue at the Academy Awards, holding hands.) *'Announcer': And the Academy Award for Best Animated Short Subject goes to... *'Sue': Hold on! I have something to say. *'Old Man': Huh? *'Sue': (gets on her knees): Honey, I've loved you ever since I laid eyes on you! We had so much fun and I just can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Will you take my hand in marriage? *'Old Man': I was gonna do the same! (gets on knees, crack is heard): Ugh, I have weak knees! But, yes, I will marry you! Will you? *'Sue': Of course! *(The duo put their rings on each other's ring fingers and hug; the audience claps.) *'Announcer': .......What's Opera, Gaulk?! *'Sue': We won! *'Old Man': And even if we lost, I'd gladly have an amazing new wife. *(Old Man kisses her.) *(Later; Old Man and Sue are wedding in Sue's home.) *'Justice of the Peace': And, will you, Sue, take this man as your lawfully wedded husband? *'Sue': For always. *'Justice of the Peace': And will you, uh, hm, there seems to be a smudge... *'Old Man': Oh get on with it! *'Justice of the Peace': Okay! Will you take this woman as your lawfully wedded wife? *'Old Man': Darn tootin'! *'Justice of the Peace': Then I pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride! *(Old Man kisses Sue; Sue kisses him back, on the cheek; Old Man then draws him and her wife in wedding suits, with Sue quickly coloring it, taking it home with them.) *'Old Man now': Then, came the honeymoon... *'Rig': What's that? *'Old Man': Well, let's skip that part. (looks at wedding ring): It's the last I have left of her. Plus I can't take the darned thing off! *'Rack': What happened next? *'Old Man': Well, due to the success of What's Opera, Gaulk? my boss asked for another right after it won the award. Me and my wife were excited to work on it as our first cartoon married and because we came up with the plot together! *'Rack': What was it? *'Old Man': You'll find out... now! *(Old Man transports them into the cartoon; the cartoon has a rainbow and other odd, unique features for one.) *'Rack': Wow, this cartoon is very.... unique. I think I might remember it... *'Old Man': You better! This was the second best cartoon voted! Starred Frankie the Fowl! *(A pencil erases Rack's mouth.) *'NH': Finally. *(The pencil then turns NH's fur into a rainbow.) *'NH': Me and my big mouth. *'US': Oh well, at least my chocolate hair's still untouched. *(The pencil erases her hair, making her bald.) *'US': Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em! *(The gang hold her back.) *'Rig': Yay! Still unchanged! *(The pencil switches NH and Rig's heads.) *'Rig': Whoa! NH, your head is so furry! I think I'll keep it! *'NH': As if my life can't get any worse. *(Frankie the Fowl is revealed to be the animator behind the ridiculous actions.) *'Frankie': Who's despicable now? *'US': I loved this one, but not when they do it to me! *'Old Man': (laughing): I see someone found out what it's like to be in someone else's.... uh.... beak. Come on. *(Old Man transports them out of the cartoon.) *'Rack': I'm just glad we're back to normal. *'US': About time you made a good one. *'Rig': What happened next-sies? *'Old Man': Well, while we were as happy and rich as could be with a generous paying of 50 dollars at the time, something suddenly got in the way of that.... *(A bomb is shown landing in a city.) *'Old Man': It was WWII. *'Rig': Wallowing Wallabies 2? I love that movie! *'Old Man': ....Never mind. Anyway, I was drafted in the army, on the allies' side of course, and I was glad I could serve my country! However, I was worried if I could make my cartoons there and send them to.... her and scared if I.... died without letting my wife know. However, she, as always, came up with a brilliant idea! *'Sue': Have ya heard of that new xerography machine? Maybe if you sent me your cartoons back to me and use it to have cleaner lines then it'll work out! *'Old Man': You're a genius Sue! I'll do it! I'll send ya a cartoon from there! Now, whatever happens, I just want to let you know I love you, and if anything happens to me, feel free to find a new man. *'Sue': No thanks. You're the only man for me! *(Old Man kisses and hugs her, and leaves to join the army, with Sue shedding a tear, waving goodbye.) *'Rack': (crying): That's beautiful! What cartoon did you make? *'Old Man': Find out for yourselves! *(Old Man transports the four into the cartoon; it has dreary colored skies and a war is happening.) *'Rack': Oh no! We must be in a cartoon version of World War II! *'NH': Thank you, captain obvious. *'???': Men, men, stop yapping your gums, reload! We don't want the na-bad guys to win, do we? *'US & Rig': And women. *'NH': Who are you, anyway? *'???': Sammy the soldier, maggot! Give me 10 pushups, now! And don't do those dainty girl pushups. That goes for you too, girls! *'NH': Nope. I'm my own wolf. *'Sammy': Oh, yeah? Well I'm general of this platoon! That's toilet duty for ten weeks! *'Rack, NH, US & Rig': Let us out! *(Old Man gets them out of the cartoon.) *'Old Man': Not very fun, is it? And that was just a cartoon! I had to do duties like that and are even worse than those for three years. But you know what? It was all worth it to serve my country! However, I did get one bad injury..... *(Cut to Old Man working on the cartoon with his fellow soldiers humored and loving it; suddenly, the enemies come and shoot a bullet in Old Man's back, knocking him unconscious and the soldiers hurrying to save him; later, he awakens in the infirmary, fine but one of the soldiers who happens to be a surgeon tells him bad news.) *'Soldier': Ah, you're awake! Good! *'Old Man': What happened? Am I okay? *'Soldier': You'll be just fine, but you had a bad injury. See, a bullet was shot in your spine and, sadly, you'll be most likely stuck with a bad back for the rest of your life. Consider yourself very lucky, had the bullet been lodged a couple inches upwards, you wouldn't even be able to walk. *'Old Man': (shocked): .........Wow. I'm a very lucky man. Considering my bad injury, may I continue the cartoon? *'Soldier': Certainly! Just, don't go out there until your back, in the highly unlikely chance, heals that well for you to fight. Plus, I love Sammy. He's just like our general. (laughs) *'Old Man': Gotcha. *(The general runs in.) *'General': Men, Japan and the n-bad guys surrendered! We won! *(The men jump up and down, excited.) *'Old Man': Yes! I can go home to my wife! *(Later; Old Man returns home; Sue is in the kitchen.) *'Sue': He hasn't sent me the cartoon yet. I hope he's not.... gone. *(Old Man knocks on the door.) *'Sue': Oh for goodness sakes, I don't want your pape- *(Sue opens the door; Old Man is showing her the completed cartoon, ready to be colored; Sue then hugs him, glad to see he is alive.) *'Sue': Oh, honey, I missed you! I thought you were... well, you know! I love you! I'll paint it in a sec! *'Old Man': And I you. And, although I now have a bad back, I'll allow you to hug me. Also, here's a teddy bear I bought for ya when I realized I had some extra money. *(Sue hugs him tight.) *'Old Man': Okay, maybe not that tight... *'Old Man now': That was beautiful.... so much so my back has never been in so much pain since! *'Rack': (cries): Then what happened? *'Old Man': Well, thanks to the war, money was tight and so, we had to start using what we call, limited animation. Me and my wife hated that type of animation, but it was either that or be hobos. Not only did we need to deal with that, we also realized we were starting to age..... *(Flashes to Old Man having gray hair.) *'Old Man': Oh, this is just great! Now I look like an old man, especially with my disgrace of a back! *'Sue': Honey, calm down. You're sounding like an old man. Plus, I had an unpleasant surprise as well. *(Sue shows a gray hair.) *'Old Man': .......You know the perfect way to shut me up. *(The two chuckle.) *'US': So, what's the toon this time? *'Old Man': Enjoy an..... interesting trip! *(Old Man transports them into the cartoon.) *'US': Ew, it looks so..... blegh. *'Old Man': I told ya limited animation ain't that great! It did save money, at least. *'???': Gee, Bogi, are you sure this is a good idea? *'Bogi Year': Well, of course, Roo-Roo, they won't mind a couple of their things stolen.... *'NH': I wonder what it'll be. *'Bogi Year': Oh, you'll find out. *(Bogi puts Roo-Roo around NH and switches their positions; they've apparently switched bodies.) *'NH': You're kidding. *'Roo-Roo': Wow, Bogi, I'm so tall....... and naked. Screw this, this is my body now! Muhahahahahha! Hello morning breeze! *(Roo-Roo runs off.) *'Bogi Year': Uh oh, it worked too well! *'NH': Oh, you think?! Get me out of here now! *'Old Man': Take a joke. *(Old Man transports them out.) *'NH': (hugging himself): I missed you! *'US': That was a lame plot. *'Old Man': Hey! We needed to get use to the animation change and ourselves! Now we're in the '60's, where darned hippies became friends with beatniks and refusing to cut their hair. What's worse, my wife was one of them..... *(Flashes to Old Man balding and his almost entirely gray haired wife dressing like a hippie.) *'Old Man': Honey, what are you doing?! You're making a fool of yourself! *'Sue': Oh, calm down, sweetie.... I always enjoy trying something new! Take off that cranky smile and get into the spirit! *'Old Man': No thanks. Besides, we should work on Rooby Loo, Where Art Thou? *'Sue': Well, I gotta say you have some work ethic. *'US': You worked on Rooby Loo? I loved that show! *'Old Man': Not some old fart now, huh? *'US': Well, you still are. But, that's awesome you created him! *'Old Man': Well, if you love him so much....... here ya go! *(Old Man transports them into the cartoon.) *'US': Rooby Loo! I love ya! *'Rooby Loo': Oh no! I found the cook! *'Raggy': You mean crook, Roob! *'US': I'm not a crook! Well, except what happened at Watergate.... *'Raggy': Sic 'em, Roob! *'Rooby Loo': Right! *'US': I change my mind! *(Old Man transports them out of the cartoon.) *'Old Man': Sorry to interrupt, but I remember another thing that happened in the 60's..... me and my wife had a baby! *'Rack': What happened? *'Old Man': Well..... *(Flashes to a pregnant Sue giving birth to a child, with a happy Old Man by her side.) *'Old Man now': I wanted her to give birth at home, but she wanted to in the hospital, "just to be safe". Oh well! *'Sue': It may have taken us 30 years, but we finally have a baby! *'Old Man': I know! *(Old Man picks the baby up.) *'Old Man': Hey there, scout! *'Old Man now': However.... I did... something that.... took the baby away. (sheds tear) *(Sue is feeding the baby in a rocking chair.) *'Old Man': I, uh, have something to tell you. *'Sue': What is it? *'Old Man': It turns out we invested in a scam at the bank that took our money away.... and we can't afford to keep the baby. *'Sue': But- *'Old Man': I know, Sue, I love the little guy too, but if we keep him, we'll be stuck on the street as hobos. That's not an environment a kid should live in. He should have loving parents with money. That won't be us if we keep him. *(Sue nods, trying not to cry; the two then go out on a dreary, rainy night, and leave the baby on a doorstep; as they run away, Sue cries, while Old Man hugs her, also shedding a tear.) *(Rack & Rig cry.) *'Old Man': (shedding tear): Well, might as well move on. Now to the 70's. Here, it was pretty much the same, my wife, despite her entirely gray hair, still had the longest hair I've ever seen her have while I had the hair I have right now: really tiny ones. *(Flashes to Old Man and Sue working on the cartoon.) *'Old Man': Alright, Rapunzel, stop that, it tickles! *'Sue': Alright I'll stop. You're just mad 'cause you have no hair! *'Old Man': Not true! I have tiny ones. *(The duo laugh.) *'Old Man now': I also tried applying in the Korean War, but my knees were too weak. *(Flashes to show Old Man fall down immediately right when he gets on his knees.) *'Rack': What was the cartoon? *'Old Man now': Let's find out, shall we? *(Old Man transports them into the cartoon.) *'US': Ew, Lazy-Jaw? Screw this! *'Lazy-Jaw': (speaks gibberish); (translation down under): I always get neglect! *(Old Man transports them out of the cartoon.) *'Old Man': Yeah, not our best..... but our next one was certainly unusual and returning to more complex animation! Although, what I like to call, the "Toy" decade wasn't too fun.... *(Flashes to Old Man and Sue in the 80's: Sue is wearing wild, 80's-esque clothes while Old Man is wearing normal clothes.) *'Sue': Man, I never knew Moving Cars would be a hit! *'Old Man': Yeah, but, I kinda feel bad because we're mainly only animating it just to sell toys. *'Sue': Don't worry! We're getting paid, and people like it, right? *'Old Man': .......I love and hate you when you're right. *(The duo hold hands.) *'US': Moving Cars? Blegh. *'Old Man': Bite your tongue. Oh. Never mind! *(Old Man transports them into the cartoon.) *'Moving Cars': Moving Cars, transform into, fire hydrant! *'Rig': Ooh, pootie time! *(Rig goes over the hydrant.) *'Moving Cars': And there goes the sight of our eyes! *'Rig': Ah, relieved. *(Old Man transports them out of the cartoon.) *'Old Man': Well.... we're near the end. *'NH': About time. *'Old Man': Hush! Now, we're in the 90's..... where.... I'll let the flashback show the rest. *(Flashes to Old Man and Sue in sweaters, eating the meal they always eat before starting animating.) *'Old Man': About time you wore something normal! *'Sue': (laughs): Oh you. *'Old Man': You were really smart with Zaniacs. About time the Golden Age's animation returns! *'Sue': Well, you had your hand in it too! *'Rig': Oh. My. Gosh! You created Zaniacs?! *(Old Man nods yes.) *'Rig': I loves you! That's the bestest show ever! I still love that Dick Butkus joke! *'Old Man': (laughing): Yep, my wife was a genius with that one. *'Rig': Let's go in there! I wanna meet Wacky again! *'Old Man': Huh? You met 'em before? *'NH': Don't remind us. *'Old Man': Oh. Well, they'll be happy to see ya! *'Rig': Yay! *'Rack, NH & US': No! *(Old Man transports them into the cartoon.) *'The Zaniest Brother': Well well well..... if it isn't the Zaniacs haters and the annoying .....squirrel dog? *'Rig': (eating on nut): Come again? *'Daisy': This time we'll make sure you won't escape! *'Wacky': Rig! I missed you! *'Rig': Waaaaaaaaaaacky! I missed you too! *'The Zaniest Brother': Sorry to interrupt the little love scene going on but it's time to get revenge, baby! *(TZB is about to use rope to tie up the cast.) *'Old Man': Oh no! It worked too good! *(Old Man transports them out of the cartoon.) *'Wacky': Thank you! I'm free from those demons! *'Old Man': Sorry Wacky, but ya need to go back there. To let ya know, you were my favorite, and, I promise, someday, I'll let you free. *'Wacky': .......Okay.... *'Rig': I'll write to you! That is, when I learn how. *'Wacky': Yay! See ya guys! *(Wacky jumps back to his world.) *'Old Man': Now, I'm done, so.... *'Rack': Wait! What happened to your wife? *'Old Man': I hid her in the closet! *'US': No, really. What happened? *'Old Man': (sighs): Alright, alright! I'll spit it out. (sheds a tear) *(Flashes to Sue in her and Old Man's studio, finishing up the final episode of Zaniacs.) *'Sue': Mmwah! Perfect! The first episode I did all by myself, and hopefully it'll show my sweetie that new things can be good! But ugh, if only the studio wasn't being repainted with this ugly new scheme. Oh well. "Back in my day." (laughs) *(Sue trips over a paint can, that happens to be flammable; the reason being it fell onto a plug and was somewhat out of the socket; a fire starts.) *'Sue': Oh, no! What have I done?! I should save the cartoon, at least! I don't care if I make it or not, it's animation I really care about! I love you, Me- *(The building gets on fire before she finishes saying his name and is entirely in ashes, killing her.) *'Old Man': Honey, I'm back with our favorite: ice cream! *(Old Man notices the burned building, being extinguished by firemen.) *'Fireman': I'm sorry. She didn't make it. *'Old Man': No! She is not gone! She's still with me! *(Old Man feels the ashes.) *'Old Man': I never got to see her beautiful work! (stomps on the ashes) You know what? Screw it! I'm done with animation! This is just telling me it's gone to crap and I need to retire! I'll never do, or even watch, animation ever again! (is about to punch the ashes, but does not due to "seeing" his wife's face) (runs away crying) *'Fireman': Poor guy. *(Old Man is crying in the present, as are everyone else (except NH).) *'NH': (sheds a tear): Wow. *(The gang stare at him.) *'NH': What? I can't cry once? *'Rack': What happened then? *'Old Man': Well, I destroyed everything involving her and I, as every time I saw her it reminded me of her death. I didn't even attend her funeral. I'm a horrible husband. *'Rack': Did you ever give animation another shot? *'Old Man': Oh, yeah, but it was this dumb show called Kat, Kait n' Kathy, on those newfangled things called computers, but the computer exploded on me and then I swore I wouldn't see on again for real. *'Rack': What happened then? *'Old Man': I got evicted from my apartment for not paying and now I was something I never thought I would be: a hobo. One time I was so crazy I went to the med store I came in wearing nothing but a cowboy hat down under. *(Everyone except Old Man look at each other.) *'Old Man': But nonetheless, I tried my hardest to get jobs. *(Cut to Old Man as cooker at a wrap stand.) *'Old Man': Hey, whippersnapper! What would you like today? *'Rapper': Yo, bro! Do you like rap, no? *'Old Man': I like wrapping things, yes. *'Rapper': Nah, man! I mean rappin'; is that something you can.... do? *'Old Man': Wrapping meals, yes. *'Rapper': No, dude! I mean the rhyming rapping, not to be rude! *'Old Man': So the chicken wrap? *'Rapper': ...Yes. *(Rapper gives him money.) *'Old Man now': And then there was the time I tried out on Local Star.... *(Cuts to Old Man on stage wearing spandex and a headband.) *'Old Man': AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHJKLGFGGG, dome dimes, I got a good (hacking cough) I'm okay. I got a sore on my back that I n- (coughs hackingly again) Feh, forget this. This spandex chafes my jewels and I can't feel my sweat glands. (leaves, barely being able to walk) *'Rack': Anything else new? *'Old Man': Well thanks to you, you found me on the street and put me in the nursing home; you also tried to teach me how to play a darned "vidyeah" game. *'Rack': Oh, yeah. *(Flashes to Rack and Old Man trying to play a video game.) *'Old Man': What button do I push?! *'Rack': That one! *'Old Man': Which one?! Hold on, I need to put in my hearing aid in to see! *'Rack': Lemme just... *'Old Man': No, you young'un! I got it! Now, hold on... *(A cricket chirps.) *'Old Man': Which one do I press again? *'Rack': I'll just... *(Old Man hits Rack's hand with a cane.) *'Rack': Ow! *'Old Man': I said I got it! *(Old Man stares at the console for an hour.) *'Old Man': Is it this button? *'Rack': That's the disc ejector.... *'Old Man': Darn young'uns and their fancy gizmos and gadgets... *'Old Man now': Yep, that's pretty much my whole life summed up. You can go now, this old fart is used to that.... *'Rack': No, wait! *'NH, US & Rig': No, don't help! *'Rack': What if we gave ya a last chance by watching my favorite show? *'Old Man': Hm... I guess I might as well. Show it, young'un! *(Rack gets his his iPhone to show him a show.) *'Old Man': Ahhhhh! An iPoop! *'US': I already know how! Stop judging me! *'Rack': Yes, but I'm about to show you a cartoon I like. *'Old Man': Can I touch it? *'Rack': No! Uh, hold on. Ah, here we go. *(A show title appears, called "Normal Show"; A fox and a whip-per-will are talking.) *'Fox': Duuuuuuuuuuude! I just got this raccoon skin! Woooooooooah! *'Whip-Per-Will': No waaaaaay! I got this blue jay's! *'Fox & Whip-Per-Will': Woooooooooooooooooooooahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *(Old Man hits the iPhone with his cane.) *'Rack': Old Man! *'Old Man': Sorry, I can't stand tomfoolery. But from what I saw, it was alright. At least they're smart enough to use their hands rather than a cold computer's. *'Rack': My phone! *'NH': Wow, that's just great. Look at the fair. *(Everyone looks to see the six are the last left and it is dark.) *'US': Old Man! That pig was mine! *'Rig': I'm tired-sies. (stomach grumbles) Not you, Tire! And, no, me and Wacky didn't kiss! *(The foursome leave.) *'US': Why do we hang with him, anyway? *'Old Man': I tried. *'???': And you succeeded. *'Old Man': Sue?! *(Sue appears as a ghost.) *'Sue': I heard the whole story. And it was beautiful! I want you to know that, I love you for always and am glad you still care about me. And I have a little something: the cartoon. *(Sue gives it to him.) *'Old Man': This is the best work I've ever seen! I love you! *'Sue': You know, I'm surprised you never remarried. Feel free to, I wasn't the wife you wanted me to be.... *'Old Man': What?! No way! You were the best wife a man could ask for! No one could replace you! *'Sue': Oh you! *'Old Man': Oh Sue! *(The duo hug.) *'Old Man': ....Not to mention, I can't take the darned thing off! *(The duo laugh.) *'Sue': I see you still got it. Now go on, write your show and make me proud, ol' brown eyes! *'Old Man': I will Sue! "Back in my day"... *(The duo laugh once more; Sue waves farewell and disappears; Old Man smiles.) *'THE END'. Credits Starring *Rackliffelikespurple as Rack *New Heathera as NH *Utter solitude as US *Rigbybestie1510 as Rig *Dep. Mayor as Dep. Mayor *Old Man as Old Man *Sue as Sue *Danny the Dog as Himself *Pugs Punny as Himself *Frankie the Fowl as Himself *Sammy the Soldier as Himself *Bogi Year as Himself *Roo-Roo as Himself *Rooby Loo as Himself *Raggy as Himself *Lazy-Jaw as Himself *Moving Cars as Themselves *Zaniacs as Themselves *Kat, Kait n' Kathy as Themselves *Fox as Himself *Whip-Per-Will as Himself *Old Man's Father as Old Man's Father *Old Man's Mother as Old Man's Mother *Rapper as Rapper *Justice of the Peace as Justice of the Peace *Soldiers as Soldiers *Boss as Boss *General as General *Announcer as Announcer *Firemen as Firemen *Kids as Kids *Baby as Baby Writing *Written by: Rackliffelikespurple, Kait Dunlap, Utter solitude, Rigbybestie1510, New Heathera, AngryGodzillaPie and Sboy13 Thanks So many inspirations, I don't know where to start! XD **To the following cartoons, in chronological order, for inspiring me and watching them: *Felix the Cat: Feline Follies *Bugs Bunny: What's Opera, Doc? *Daffy Duck: Duck Amuck *Donald Duck: Der Fuehrer's Face *Yogi Bear: Brainy Bear *Scooby Doo: What a Night for a Knight *Jabberjaw: Its theme song *Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye, Part 2 *Animaniacs: De-Zanitized *Ed, Edd n' Eddy: Its theme song *Regular Show: Its theme song A bunch of stuff like YouTube videos, things animators did, and other things also inspired this episode! And other things I can't remember! *To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters. SPECIAL END CREDITS *'Old Man': Hey again, youngsters, whippersnappers, you know who you are! Anyway, I was inspired by Sue coming back again to show you how we make a classic, Golden Age, Academy Award winning cartoon! Step 1: Draw the darned characters as a storyboard! Keep drawin' and drawin' and drawin' until your hand aches! *(Shows crude drawings.) *'Old Man': Hey, I'm rusty! Anyway, Step 2: Let those hack voice actors do their work and have some coffee and donuts! Step 3: The animatic. Combines the previous two to see if it'll work. More coffee and donuts. Step 4: Get model sheets to keep the characters looking accurate. *(All the sheets are inaccurate.) *'Old Man': Well, try your best, that is. Step 5: Timing! Now mainly this is on the director, but nonetheless you gotta do things such as lip movements so it can look right and match with the actor's voice. *(Old Man shows picture of a character with big lips.) *'Old Man': ......Hopefully you do better than that. Step 6: Layout. If you're did all the production like me and Sue did, then you'll be in charge here. Here, you'll be in charge of things such as camera angles and shading. *(Cuts to an entirely black scene.) *'Old Man': Hey, we both learn as we go along! Now, here comes the most important and longest step, Step 7: The animation itself! Now this'll be a long one. *(Montage plays of Old Man doing the main animating.) *'Old Man': (panting): Now that that's done. Step 8: Pencil test? Ugh. Clean up the drawings and photograph 'em with your camera. (blows dust off old animation camera): Good, still alive! *(Old Man takes mediocre shots of his work.) *'Old Man': Now, Step 9: Backgrounds. Although Sue mainly handled 'em, I did it a couple times my own. So, let's try 'em out! *(Old Man animates crooked, crude backgrounds that overlap the previous drawings.) *'Old Man': Step 10: Cel painting! Now, once again, since I'm colorblind, I can't use the pretty colors Sue used, so I'll go with classic black and white! *(The drawing is literally just black and white.) *'Old Man': And, last but not least, the camera! Here, I'm gonna use what's called a rostrum camera to photograph the cels. This'll take a while, so hold on. *("50 Years Later (Nah, 50 Minutes)".) *'Old Man': And that's how me and Sue made our award winning cartoons! *(Old Man looks at his work, and is not pleased.) *'Old Man': Ah well, I tried! *'Voice': Note: This is not exactly how all animations or any animations in those episode were made. They were altered slightly for comedic purposes and try to remain try to the facts. *'Old Man': Shut your hole! *(Old Man, somehow, "hits" the voice.) *'Voice': Ow, my vocal chords. *'THE TRUE END'. Other I think this is one of my very favorites. It may not be the funniest one but I think it's one of the greatest in the series, and hard to top. I hope that helped explain the why of Old Man and entertained you along the way. Thanks for reading, whippersnappers! :P Category:Episodes